I’m going to share something earth shattering: sometimes I sign up for events and then, on the day they come, I don’t want to go. 

This happened last week. I’d registered for a local networking event with an organization I actually love and like to support. The day came, and when it was time to head out, I was sitting in my desk chair in a quiet office working on a deadline — and frankly, pretty comfortable. I strongly considered not going to said pre-registered event, and if I’m honest, I was even kind of dreading it. But I had told someone I’d meet them there, so I got up, put on real pants, and off I went. 

It turns out, as it almost always does, I had a great time. I saw people I knew. I met people I didn’t. I had some good conversations. I laughed a lot. I left feeling energized, walked to my car, and pondered this: Why do we — me, in this case — sometimes shy away from human connection when science tells us how very important it is? (Here’s one of my favorite studies to cite if you don’t believe me.) And furthermore, why do we avoid going to things when we are almost always glad we went once it’s time to go? 

We’ve Built a Society Where We Don’t Have To 

I don’t really know the answer, other than we have created a society in which we have the ability to almost never see or talk to other people if we so choose. And so, sometimes I think the idea of being with others feels tiring. I say this as someone who is a giant extrovert, so introverts — I really do empathize. 

So I started thinking about how to make sure I keep showing up to these things — the ones that put me in community and make me just a little uncomfortable. I know I’ll feel resistance. The question is how to get my current self to do what my future self will thank me for. Here’s what I came up with.

      1. Create Some Sort of Accountability

This time, I had told someone I would meet them there, so that was what got me there. However, I probably could have just told someone I was going, and it would’ve worked just as well. If I tell someone I am going to do something, I’m far more likely to do it.

     2. Come Prepared With Things to Talk About 

Extroverts or not, talking to people you don’t know is intimidating. I like to come with some questions locked and loaded in my head — something between “what do you think of this weather!?” and “tell me about all of your childhood trauma.” Lately one of my favorite questions has been, “When do you get your good ideas?” I’ve found people usually answer this one very quickly, but it leads to some great follow-up questions. I recently asked this and the person told me he gets his good ideas from listening to music — that the lyrics often answer questions or challenges he’s been pondering. That was… mind blowing… for me! 

     3. Give Yourself Permission to Leave Early

Part of the dread isn’t the event itself, it’s the feeling of being trapped there for two hours. So make a deal with yourself: go for 30 minutes, and if it’s truly not worth it, you can leave. Knowing there’s an exit ramp makes it so much easier to walk in the door in the first place — and, like last week, you’ll probably end up staying anyway because you’re having a good time. 

The Bottom Line 

Human connection is critical. Connecting with others is absolutely a leadership skill, but also, it’s just good for us. So consider this your encouragement: turn off the computer, get out of your chair, and go somewhere real live humans are.