Why I Almost Skipped the Networking Event (And What Happened When I Didn’t)
I’m going to share something earth-shattering: sometimes I sign up for events, and then, when the day comes, I don’t want to go.
This happened last week. I’d registered for a local networking event with an organization I actually love and like to support. When it was time to head out, I was sitting in my desk chair in a quiet office, working on a deadline, and frankly, pretty comfortable. I strongly considered skipping it. If I’m honest, I was even kind of dreading it.
But I had told someone I’d meet them there. So I got up, put on real pants, and off I went.
It turns out, as it almost always does, I had a great time.
- I saw people I knew.
- I met people I didn’t.
- I had some good conversations.
- I laughed a lot.
I left feeling energized, and on the walk to my car, I pondered this: Why do we (me, in this case) sometimes shy away from human connection when science tells us how very important it is? (Here’s one of my favorite studies to cite if you don’t believe me.) And why do we avoid going to things when we’re almost always glad we went?
We’ve built a society where we don’t have to
I don’t really know the answer, other than this: we’ve created a society where we can almost never see or talk to other people if we so choose. So sometimes, the idea of being with others just feels tiring. I say this as a giant extrovert, so introverts, I really do empathize.
I started thinking about how to make sure I keep showing up to the things that put me in community and make me just a little uncomfortable. I know I’ll feel resistance. The question is how to get my current self to do what my future self will thank me for. Here’s what I came up with.
1. Create some sort of accountability.
This time, telling someone I’d meet them there is what got me out the door. Honestly, just telling someone I was going probably would have worked as well. If I tell someone I’m going to do something, I’m far more likely to do it.
2. Come prepared with things to talk about.
Extrovert or not, talking to people you don’t know is intimidating. I like to show up with a few questions locked and loaded, something between “What do you think of this weather!?” and “Tell me about all of your childhood trauma.”
Lately, one of my favorite questions has been: “When do you get your good ideas?” People usually answer it very quickly, and it leads to great follow-up questions. When I asked it recently, someone told me he gets his good ideas from listening to music, because the lyrics often answer questions or challenges he’s been pondering. That was… mind-blowing… for me!
3. Give yourself permission to leave early.
Part of the dread isn’t the event itself. It’s the feeling of being trapped there for two hours. So make a deal with yourself: go for 30 minutes, and if it’s truly not worth it, you can leave.
Knowing there’s an exit ramp makes it so much easier to walk in the door in the first place. And, like me last week, you’ll probably end up staying anyway because you’re having a good time.
The bottom line
Human connection is critical. Connecting with others is absolutely a leadership skill, but it’s also just good for us.
So consider this your encouragement: turn off the computer, get out of your chair, and go somewhere real live humans are.
Until next time,
Jill and The ThinkDev Team
